[Mental Health] Hormones

Oooh this topic. The impact of hormones on my mental health are why I no longer take birth control (it made me depressed, and I’m pretty sure in hindsight it heightened my anxiety/OCD, because they seem much more manageable now)

Do you think that hormones play a factor in mental illness?

Yes. Other than the fact that hormones can mess with your brain which can impact mental illness, I think hormones can also do things like mess with sleep (which can exacerbate mental illness).

While I think artificial hormones impact it much more, I can see how natural hormone (im)balances could also play a role.

Have you noticed any ups or downs during your period or since starting menopause?

About two to three days before my period (on months I get a period…), I just cry over the most random things. In general I think I’m pretty even-keeled from a mental health perspective during my period, though.

I also find that around (my infrequent) ovulation I find myself more irritable.

Have you tried anything that has helped with your symptoms? Supplements, medication or therapy? Did it work? 

The most I do is exercise and try and make sure my diet stays on track. I do have regular therapy appointments, so I imagine those help out quite a bit.

Also, period week is always brownie baking week.

In case the above doesn’t work, you can check out other blogger’s talking about mental health here!

[Food for Thought Friday] Cereal Monogamy

Gotta finish the box of lucky charms before I buy the Frosted Flakes before I can eat the Honey Nut Cheerios 😉

Casual sex, dating, friends with benefits, hook-up, one night stand, fuck-buddy; have you ever had one (or more) of these arrangements? What is the difference?

I’ve done mostly dating. Have had one one night stand, and one fuck-buddy turned dating.

The difference is usually frequency of seeing each other/sex, and what activities actually get done.

What is the most interesting way you ever met a partner?

The gym. I’ve meet two from dating apps/websites, a few from school, and then the one gym one. (Incidentally, that one was the worst for me, long term)

Have you ever had a hook-up become a relationship? How do you know that it had happened?

If a hook up is a one night stand, then nope.

I had friendship –> fuck buddy –> relationship. And it happened because I was said “hey we dating now”

How would you tell a potential partner you want a non-monogamous or D/s relationship? If you are already in one, how did it evolve?

I’d probably just…bring it up. But. The D/s evolved because, well, he wanted to explore and I wanted to be in control. We talked about it a lot. A looooot. I’ve done a bunch of research, and reading, so I had a vague idea of what was out there and what I liked.

But I really big downside was that he had seen a lot of the “worm” male sub archetype stuff, and really was not into it (and fortunately neither am I). But there were lots of things that could fall under what the archetype says that I did enjoy. So early on I had to do a lot of question answering and reassurance.

What does your ideal relationship look like? Are you already in it?

My ideal relationship can’t actually exist because erotic fan fiction involving worlds in which D/s is widely accepted and basically a default has completely warped it.

But my current one comes pretty damn close 😉


[Wicked Wednesday] Celibate good times (come on)

Puns! I got ’em!


Celibacy in my relationship isn’t really a “forced” thing. It is, however, a bit of a currently necessary thing. One of the many downsides of monogamous long distance (when we are together, sex definitely happens at least once, though).

But. Even within that–he masturbates (it’s an allowed number per month because he uses it as stress relief, and was pretty adamant that just no-going it wouldn’t work); I do not. (Like 98% of the time. Sometimes I do, but so many stars have to align).

I’d love to say it heightens the experience when we do get together, and on some level for him I think it does. I’ve just noticed that a lack of sex on my end becomes more of a self-fulfilling prophecy in which I don’t do it so I don’t think about it so I don’t always have that “rawr”/sex drive when it would be very nice to have such a thing.

I also think that logic/way my body works is why we’ll never have any sort of “forced” celibacy once we’re actually in the same location. It would likely just lead to very, very sporadic sex and frustration for both of us.

Check out who else is getting wicked here!

[Mental Health] Laughter

Do you believe in the saying laughter is the best medicine? Why or why not? How important is laughter in your life or your partner having a sense of humor?

I don’t know if it’s the best medicine, but it’s certainly a good one!

Laughter has mostly helped in the middle of fights in my relationship, because it lightens the mood and breaks up the tension some.

I think there’s a portion of our relationship that is just bad puns and jokes, a way to connect and share (and groan!)

I would miss it if it wasn’t there.

Sometimes seeing/hearing something funny can cause a smile, which is nice. Smiling just feels better than frowning.

Check out other blogger’s thoughts on laughter here!

[Food for Thought Friday] Spotify doesn’t know me

So Spotify has those new “star sign” playlists. I feel like mine (Aries) is a complete and total fail.

Anyway! Questions!

What is the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?

I think being “in love” is more of like the fluttery, honeymoon phase. It’s basically more of loving your idea of a person versus the person themselves. Loving someone, however, is something that’s established as you spend more time with them, get to know them. I think it’s much more lasting, and is based upon a (more) complete picture.

Loving is accepting flaws and annoyances, and sticking with them anyway.

How does these differences colour and effect the way you interact with that person?

I would say I’m more real with someone I love. There’s fewer layers, less guarded. But that also opens up the possibility for very deep hurts.

I also think the sex is different. People I’ve been in love with but ultimately didn’t love…the sex was worse but it felt alright. But people I love? Then it’s like the mental aspects fall into place and it’s better. (Oh I see that’s the next question haha)

Where sex is involves, does the emotional layer affect its quality?

Yes! More emotional impact/sharing = higher quality sex

Where do lust and desire fit into this?

I think sometimes lust and desire feed into the “in love” feeling.

I do however acknowledge that the desire when love is involved is a different type of desire than when it’s “in love.” Because it’s less “aaaahhhh you’re so hot I just wanna get off” and more “I want to connect with you in yet another way and share a piece of myself.”

Granted, that could also be the abstinence only sex education brainwashing telling me my lady-parts are just like a new pair of shoes and only someone special should wear them 😉


[Wicked Wednesday] Dancing, body movement, and what am I even doing?

So. I guess since it came up in my last Food for Thought post, and the Wicked Wednesday prompt is “explore” …lemme tell you about my stint with burlesque.

I auditioned on essentially a whim. A conscious whim, because it was late on a Wednesday on the other side of town and I had zero dance experience, but nonetheless a whim.

A friend of mine did Rocky Horror with one of the women who ran the troupe. The event got shared around my social media circles, as you do, and I basically said “fuck it, why not.”

I had been taking a few pole/chair dance classes before then, trying to mentally get myself in tune with my “new” body (it’s almost like losing weight in and of itself doesn’t make you happy and suddenly full of body confidence. Weird.), feel “sexy” and more, well, feminine. (Spoiler alert: still am not more feminine in my day-to-day, but I do own 7″ heels now sooo there’s that?)

Anyway. Audition comes. They needed bodies. I was a body and willing to learn.

It took months for me to even do my first show, and that was group choreography. It took even longer to do a solo act.

Here’s the thing about burlesque: it’s fucking hard. And kinda expensive. And you probably won’t make nearly enough to pay for costumes and stuff until years down the road (unless you’re very smart at thrift store shopping), if ever.

It’s not just “do a dance and put your body in lines/shapes that look good to the audience.” Oh no. It’s also: how much of your outfit are you taking off? How many ways are there to sexily take off a stocking? (a lot more than you’d think) How do you make this strip tease more tease than strip while also stripping?

And as a general guideline: the more you take off, the more tip money you make. But you also have to take your clothes off with style. And have an interesting routine (and song!) you do it to.

The people who are still putting in that work–huge hats off to them. They bust their asses off trying to put on awesome shows for the audience. There’s so many hours dedicated to practice time alone, not to mention song selection and figuring out if you’re trying to also make a statement about something while you do it, and outfit choice.

Personally, for me, in some ways doing it accomplished what I wanted it to. I do feel more confident in my body. But there’s also a few downsides (besides the hours!).

I felt it was pretty much like seeking (and receiving) external validation. There’s something intoxicating about other people finding you enticing enough to cheer for or tip. But it’s not really going to help if your own internal dialogue isn’t on board, too. Plus, what do you do once the act is over? I still had to go home with me.

Weirdly enough, quitting burlesque was way easier to do once I got out of a shit, toxic relationship. I still pole, but mostly for the athletic moves.

Anyway. I don’t regret the experience. I’d maybe consider doing it again, too. But it was hard, it was work. It was worth exploring it.

Check out who else is getting wicked

[Food for Thought Friday] Clothes. Why do I have to wear clothes?

Funny this should be the topic, as I was just poking around the internet about Snapchat Premium this morning (no, I don’t have one and don’t plan to have one)

Have you ever played any game, e.g strip poker, where removing clothes was a forfeit for losing? How far did you take it? Did you deliberately play to lose?

Yes….in middle school. I did not take it very far, and I definitely didn’t play to lose. Would I consider doing such a thing now? Yes. Just don’t have as many hormones rushing around and the taboo nature of doing it in the back of our science classroom. (This is probably partially where my exhibitionism kink comes from)
Have you ever danced naked in front of anyone? What prompted the experience?

Never completely naked. I’ve done burlesque so mostly naked (legally we could not be completely naked), and also pole (more athletic style than club style) soooo like bikini naked.

Burlesque was part of a whole “I want to feel super confident in my body!” Thing I was going through. And I would have kept up with it if the shows weren’t always so late. (It did help with the body confidence thing, but I think pole helped more)

Have you ever given a partner (or someone else) a private dance?

Nope haha. I have been on the receiving end of a private dance from a partner, though 😉

Have or would you ever perform a lap dance for a complete stranger?

Probably not. Too awkward if I’m not in the right headspace, and complete strangers don’t put me in the right headspace

Would you consider, or have you ever, accepted payment to remove your clothes?

I’ve never accepted payment to remove my clothes. But I would, under the right circumstances. I just don’t want to put in the work to do it consistently haha.


[Food for Thought Friday] Kid Cudi would be a more “pop” reference

Cause day and night…


What is your favourite time for getting it on? Do you prefer some horizontal cardio before getting out of bed? Do you like to fit in a quick session at lunchtime? Do you prefer a “nightcap” to wind down before you go to sleep?

Cop out answer: it depends. Well, except for the lunchtime one. I’m usually trying to cram other things in at lunch.

It depends on things like: did I gym that morning or evening? (Because if morning: no way–sleep time every time. I may be down for a quickie before work but likely not. If evening–yeah sex would be good because I’ll be wired from the workout)

Do I have to gym the next morning? Because noooo do not start anything I need sleep.

Actually this literally just sounds like the gym dictates my sex life and…yeah that’s really not an incorrect assessment.

Is it different at the weekends/on holidays to during the week?

Big time! Most of my sex these days happens on the weekend, whether morning or evening.

What is it about a particular time of day (or night) that puts you in the mood?

Getting adequate sleep puts me in the mood. Aaaayyyyy. I’ll show myself out.


[Food for Thought Friday] Goals!

I don’t really do New Year’s Resolutions. So this Food for Thought question set is a nice one I think I’d like to “status update” in, like, June or July.

What are your goals, dreams, ambitions for 2019?

  • Finally do an unassisted pull up
  • Use that damn tentacle dildo
  • Sell my house, move states, buy another house
  • Get married
  • Quit my job and go back to school
  • Write more. Read more.
  • Get better about not having phone distraction brain

What, if anything, do you plan to try and change about your life? Why?

Technically I’m already on track to make my big career change, and my relationship status change. I just want to be content and not feel like I’m constantly searching for work that fulfills me.

Probably slow down some. In couple’s counseling, our therapist described me as the “life force” that propels our relationship. (Have I talked about this before? Meh I blog like once a month so here’s a rehash anyway). Not only is that statement very true, but it also comes with the very big pitfall of being sort of like the energizer bunny. I keep going and going and going and then my calendar looks like an explosion of appointments and my SO is over there like “uh can we just Netflix and chill?” NO WE CANNOT. (Actually my personal therapist thinks this is because if I slow down I have to come to terms with my feelings and he’s not wrong but also I don’t really want to think about it.). So I should slow down. And actually let myself feel all the things I’m suppose to feel. Because how can you properly appreciate the good things if you’re too busy to even acknowledge there might be bad things?

Where do you see yourself in 12 months time?

Broke, because quitting my full time job and going back to school isn’t cheap.

Also, I’ll be 30 in the next twelve months. I cannot wait haha (legitimately). So in 12 months I hope I’ve continued living the life I want to cultivate and not the life that’s expected of me.

On a more…controversial(?) note: I have been getting back into identifying as a feminist. College me is proud. (College me be like “what’s this ‘equalist’ shit? What does that even mean?”) So while I don’t think I’ll be hardcore getting into things like pussy hats and slut walks (partially because hats ruin my hair), I will be moving to, ah, the American Deep South, which means I hope in twelve months I’m still sticking firm to the belief the patriarchy fucks us all and should be dismantled eeeeever sooooo slightly (okay a lot-ly)

Also also, I better not be in jail. Cause I’m moving very close to my future MIL. (Bless. Her. Heart.)