[Food for Thought Friday] There’s a pun for this…but I’ll spare you

How do you employ your senses to enhance your enjoyment of sex?

Hmm. This is a tough one. I’m sure I do? I just can’t think of any specific way. Since we’re about to go long distance, I’ve been meaning to add perfume to our sex scenes so he associates the smell with me, since it’s supposedly powerful for recollection.

I suppose touch is the biggest sense I use now, maybe followed by hearing (moans, primarily)

Which of your senses have the biggest impact on your enjoyment?

Hearing??? I think?

What effect does sensory deprivation (e.g. blindfolds, restraint) have on you?

I find blindfolds kinda meh, personally. But I do like being restrained. In general I think it has to do with feeling more “allowed” to be sexual (thanks super conservative background!)

If you have a sensory impairment or have lost the use of a sense, how has this affected you (if at all) sexually?

No, fortunately


[Food for Thought Friday] idk my bff Jill?

Maybe I’ll get this in since I’m procrastinating everything else…

What are your favourite sexual things to do?

Yes. Okay, okay. Serious answer. Oral. I enjoy giving it and definitely enjoy receiving it.

What positions do you prefer and why?

Doggie because it usually feels the best and he comes the fastest from it, so I don’t have to deal with prolonged penetration if I’m not feeling up to it.

Missionary for intimacy

A T shape for best clit stimulation

Is there a favourite place for having sex?

Not really. We usually do it in the bed, but the few times we’ve done kitchen/counter sex has been fun. I do have to wear heels, though, for height/support.

If there something you think you would enjoy but haven’t tried yet?

Yeah…being on the receiving end of a butt plug. Just haven’t gotten around to buying a smaller one for myself hah.


[Food for Thought Friday] Naturally

I think this is the second hair related FFTF I’ve answered. The next one will be about body hair in general for all I know 😂

How do you style your pubic hair? What were your reasons for choosing that style?

I don’t style it. Very, very rarely I will take a bikini line trimmer thing to it and shave it all down to barely there, but that’s like twice a year if even.

As to my reasons: ain’t nobody got time for that. Plus clean up is a PITA (so. Much. Hair.) and if a partner wants me to do it so badly then they better be shaving themselves, too. (Note: this would backfire with current SO because he actually did use to trim his pubic region before I was like “eh I don’t care.” Buuuut he doesn’t care what I do with mine so…bullet dodged?)

What are your preferences for a partner’s styling?

I have none.

Would you (or have you) ever change(d) your styling just to please a partner?

See above answer haha. I’m not going to do it for them unless they also do something similar for me. They’re getting to see me naked, so if the pubic hair is what they’re focusing on then we are clearly not long term compatible.


[Personal] Adjustment to Adulthood

I’m currently working with a therapist to…I’m not super sure what my initial reason was, to be honest. I just knew I was unhappy. Anyway! After the initial session, he diagnosed “adjustment disorder,” specifically “adjustment to adulthood.”

Which, looking at it now, after a few sessions, yeeeeeeeep. I don’t think it’s that I can’t “adult” (I can, and have been for a few years now), though. I think it’s more I’m adjusting to being my own person independent of their expectations for who I should be and what I should do.

My younger siblings better appreciate how much shit I take on just so they can breeze through my parents recognizing us as our own people.

[Food for Thought Friday] A whole decade!

I’ve got a post on body stories I keep meaning to write but haven’t… soooo here’s the Food for Thought post!

Eighteen was only… eleven years ago, for me. I’m sure in another decade some of this might change, but probably not too much.

What one part of your sex life today would most surprise the 18 year old you?

How much of it I’m having, and how little of it has me in the sub position. (I was a very repressed, sheltered 18 year old) (also, I’m definitely not “purely” or even mostly submissive so I don’t know what was wrong with young me. Probably a lack of confidence)

What one thing might shock that younger you?

How many butt plugs, and probably sex toys in general, I own (and that I know about things like body safe materials and buy lube that doesn’t come from Target) (listen, if Target started selling sliquid, I’d be all over that)

Is there anything in the younger you’s sexual ambitions or fantasies you have not yet fulfilled?

Maybe a gang bang? I’ve done pretty much everything else… I’d probably like a few more sexual experiences with women, but technically those ambitions have been minimally fulfilled

What part of the younger you’s sex life do you look back on with the most nostalgia? 

Absolutely nothing. Younger me didn’t have a sex life to really talk about. Maybe the sense of reckless abandon about all (three) the stolen, “secret” car sex moments*. But like seriously it is totally reckless for the driver to be fingering their passenger so like what were we even thinking???? (Spoiler alert: We weren’t)

*Seriously though, I can count the sexual encounters pre-PIV virginity losing me (at age 21) had. There was:

1) the body exploring/mini blow job I gave high school sweetheart that my parents ended up walking in on and causing me all sorts of terrible problems at home

2) the night of the military ball which involved both road head and fingering on the drive home

3) that one time in the parking lot at school

3b) (because not really sex) the time we made out at a pool party and got chastised for it not by parents but by a peer

4) the like two, three times in college freshman year that high school sweetheart and I mostly just touched each other’s half naked bodies. I distinctly remember the time he gave me massive hickies on my hips that I was so proud of and a friend (at the time) was APPALLED I was proud of such a thing (same peer as above)

Man. I needed better friends in college.


[Food for Thought Friday] Friends…with benefits

I’ve been pretty absent between an express course this summer and the boy being stressed out prepping for a big interview (which it looks like he’s got the job, but still waiting on the official confirmation. Just means big changes are coming down the line)

So here’s the Food for Thought Friday!

Do you agree with the assertion men and woman cannot be friends because sooner or later one person wants to have sex with the other?

No! I’m friends with several men, and have had a few friends of a male persuasion (who are no longer in my life for a myriad of non-sex reasons), and I’ve only slept with…..three of them? The boy being one, and my high school sweetheart being another. The third we don’t talk about. Granted, I’ve never really asked around if they wanted to sleep with me, but one of them is married (I was the maid of honor for his wife) and the other is in a relationship with a lovely woman so I feel like they don’t???

Have you ever had a friendship where one person did want to have sex with the other? Who was the “guilty” party, you or the other person. Was it reciprocated?

Ahem. Well. The boy was the guilty party here. And we did sleep together as friends, something I think I’ve mentioned before. So yes, reciprocated. Some of the most fun sex I had had up to that point, too.

If you answered yes to the last part, did “it” happen?


“Yes” or “No” were there any consequences, good or bad? Did the friendship survive?

Well I then proceeded to date a terrible other guy for two years, and the friendship survived that. The high school sweetheart friendship didn’t survive once we broke up, not really, at least in the manner it had been. He also became very Catholic. And the third guy…well…the friendship didn’t survive, not necessarily because of the sleeping together, but he did then feel entitled to touch me even when I didn’t consent to it after that. Soooooooooo. Yeah. Consent once does not equal consent all the time.


[Food for Thought Friday] Facial Hair

What is your preference in a man, clean shaven, stubble, mustache, beard? Why?

Depends on the man! The boy has a mustache + beard combo, and he looks much better with it (he looks like he’s 12 without it). About the only one that makes me go “eeeehhhh no” is a solo mustache. Well maintained stubble can be alright, but I’d rather have full facial hair or no facial hair.

As to why…I dunno. Some people just look better with/without it

If your preference is for beards, is there a particular style you prefer a man to have?

One that’s maintained. And not super long, either.

Are there any “benefits” to having smooth/facially hirsute partner?

Less prickly during oral…. The boy was going something fantastic with his tongue last night, but the mustache portion needs some attention, so occasionally I’d just be prickled, which didn’t feel great.

Also, you don’t run the risk of fluids getting in it if there’s nothing there 😐

Ultimately, though, I’m not going to be too terribly picky about facial hair, or any of their hair in general (except I will fuss if they get a too-short haircut), because I’m not going to change my body hair preferences for them.


[Food for Thought Friday] Sex Fails

Don’t take a six week express course if you want free time. Just. Don’t.

So here are the Food for Thought questions:

What has been your most embarrassing sex “fail”?

How did it happen?

Were you able to laugh it off and move on, or did it bring things to an untimely conclusion?

I’m just going to bulk answer:

There have been lots of times when lube has gotten everywhere, or we’ve had some trouble getting a toy to work right. Oh, and whenever we use coconut oil and have a portion of it in a bowl, one of the dogs tries to lick it. Or us. So that doesn’t happen all that often anymore.

The first time the boy and I tried doggie style was a complete no-go. He had only ever done missionary, and he curves upwards. We tried a few times and eventually gave up and moved onto a different positions. Two years later when we actually started dating (yeeeeeaaaaaah that’s a story for later) we figured out how to make it work, and I am very glad for that.

Sadly, most of our sex fails are because of four/legged interference. But maybe that’s ultimately a good thing haha.


[Masturbation Monday] Always a First Time

The dildo is taunting her. It’s definitely bigger than the finger she usually uses. And it has veins! She can’t remember why she thought this was a good idea, but it’s here now and it’d be a waste of money to not at least try it out.

After a brief pep talk about how she’s so totally got this, she settles into the bed against the pillows, dildo within easy reach. Closing her eyes, she conjures up the fantasy that caused her to buy the damn thing in the first place, hands roving along her sensitive spots under her breasts, the edge of her hips, along the right side of her opening.

She’s a princess, sequestered away high up in her tower, wistfully looking out the window for any sign of her savior. Over the horizon, a small dot slowly grows larger as it nears. Hopeful, she leans out the small window as far as she can without defenestrating herself. And, oh! This time it is! An armored knight, galloping forth.

As the fantasy knight fights the dragon, slashing and dodging his way to victory, she slowly starts circling her clit, bigger circles that close in on themselves, before rolling back out and then in. A finger dips down, feels how wet she’s starting to get.

The knight breaks down the door, and grabs the princess around the waist to hoist her onto the bed. They start stripping their clothes off to celebrate the knight’s victory.

As the knight plunges into the princess, she grabs the dildo and has it mimic his actions. The fullness suddenly inside her makes her gasp, hips pressing up, trying to get more, feel fuller. She slides it in and out of her, pressing up against a spot she never felt with just her fingers. When the knight comes, satiated from his conquested princess, she does, too.

Check out who else is getting off here!

[Food for Thought Friday] Yeah this song is about me

Oh boy. Strap yourselves in for some vanity, because I’ve been working on this shit (my body) for nearly seven, eight years now.

Before I start, though, the relevant backstory about my weight, my body, and my food/gym habits (which, content warning for probably excessive exercise/food talk, and brief mention of disordered eating, so skip down to the bold if you don’t want to read all that)

I was overweight in middle school. Probably borderline obese, but definitely overweight. This stayed until about junior year of high school when I started running cross country. It was the thinnest I had ever been, and to be honest I’m not sure I’m as thin now as I was then, but I’m so much happier now.

And then college. And the weight gain. Again. I went to the (very fancy) gym off and on during undergrad, mostly doing group exercise classes or hanging out with a friend. In grad school, fed up with how I felt (like shit), I started being more serious about working out, doing intramurals, and calorie counted/tracked for the first time.

The last one was helpful in that it showed me where a lot of empty calories were coming from, but it also sparked disordered eating. (Not that it sparks disordered eating for everyone, but my own mental health was already primed for it–thanks OCD!). I ended up going to a counselor who specialized in eating disorders, and I’m in a much better place with food now (way fewer food rules, I don’t chastise myself if I eat “bad” foods, or too late at night, etc) I don’t calorie count now, but do focus on a minimally processed, only-drink-water-or-tea diet. (To be fair, soda tastes nasty and always kind of has to me. And while I use to drink alcohol more regularly, technically I shouldn’t with my thyroid meds, so giving that up was two-fold good for me) (I will go to town on a good sour beer, though, sooooooo not a complete teetotaler). And I try to only consume desserts I’ve baked myself (but I still eat dessert pretty much every damn day).

Anyway! So after grad school, I was within walking distance from a gym, so I continued doing group exercise classes. Eventually, though, I started just straight up lifting. And oh. My. God. It has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.

I’m way more confident now, because I know I can lift heavy shit up and put it back down. I’m more focused on what I can do, versus what I look like.

Granted, the aesthetic changes have been nice–in total I’ve lost 40 pounds, since grad school, and maintained that weight loss for the past two. And now it’s just a lifestyle.

What bit (or bits) of your body do you like (or at the very least, don’t feel too negatively inclined toward)? Why do you feel that way?

I love the way my shoulders, back and traps look. Shoulders are the new cleavage, and all that.

I’m still working on my back, albeit more indirectly (UNASSISTED PULL UP, I AM COMING FOR YOU!), but I’m damn pleased with the way I look. (Also I should clearly be ashamed of that underwear choice, but clearance!)

As to why: because I know the hard work I put in to look like that. Consistent gym days. Constant improvement and pushing myself.

What bits of you have others (friends, partners, etc.) told you they liked? Did they tell you why they liked them?

I get a lot of compliments on my hair. It’s curly, and in the past few months I’ve changed up my hair routine to actually let those curls down instead of always being up in a braid. (Such editing skillz on this day two hair photo)

I can’t remember any body-specific compliments, but I have been catcalled because of my legs a lot :/

How do you feel when someone compliments your body, particularly a bit that you yourself are less keen on?

“Thanks! I think so, too!”

However, there aren’t many parts of my body I’m less keen on these days, so it’s easier to accept compliments.